I am an avid coffee drinker. Espresso to be exact. And I like to mix it up, sometimes a mocha, sometimes a cappuccino and sometimes a 'mochaccino'. I'll even have a cup of joe from time to time when the mood strikes. But I got BEEF with Starbucks.

I have had cappuccinos in Paris, Rome, New York and San Francisco. And as long as I got those in a restaurant or cafe they were pretty much served alike. A shot of Espresso and about equal parts milk and foam. In my mind, the milk shouldn't outweigh the espresso and the foam should fill the bulk of the cup.

Now I will start my assault by mentioning I drink Starbucks and only twinge a bit at the corporate, every street corner angle. Here's my BEEF with Starbucks: the difference between their latte and cappuccino is almost indistinguishable. The subtleties of making coffee drinks are many and important. A latte and capuccino are made of the same ingredients: milk and espresso. So that puts all the emphasis on the ratio. A latte is a tall glass filled with milk and one shot of espresso. A cappuccino, by contrast, is much less milk, foam and one shot of espresso.

So when I go to Starbucks and order a cappuccino, I am looking to get a certain ratio. But at Starbucks their baristas seem unconcerned about the fine delicacies of ratios and tend to make me a latte-ccino, if you will.

The beef escalated from minor peeve to aggravated assault one day when I went to my wife's favorite pre-work Starbucks and tried to get a properly made cappuccino. I asked that the guy just add foam and he replied back to me, 'You mean you want it dry?" Well, I want a cappuccino, the way they are made in every other restaurant and cafe on Earth except for Starbucks.

"If you could just put foam on it that's fine" I replied.

"That's a Macchiato," he replied.

"No, a macchiato is a tiny dollop of foam, a cappuccino is a bunch of foam and some milk," I replied.

"No, a macchiato is foam on top with no milk."

So after more of this dialogue between a guy who took a one-day course through Starbucks and me, an accomplished world traveler, avid coffee drinker and fine dining employee, where I made thousands of coffee drinks, BEFORE anyone outside of Seattle had heard of Starbucks, he hands me a drink that is essentially a latte. Mostly steamed milk and a shot of espresso. I can tell by just picking the thing up that it's full of milk. So with parting words, I left with my latte. It happens every time, even when I say "dry" as Mr. Espresso told me.

I don't know how and entire corporate culture ignores one of the main differences between two of their biggest products, but they do. Peet's has a similar issue, so don't get all high and mighty Peetniks. Ah, the wonders of corporate America. But I'll be back, settling for a "dry" cappuccino. Oh the sad irony...