All the coffee nerds are salivating over the latest advance in espresso generating technology, THE SLAYER.  I'm sorry, I can't help putting it in all caps.  The machine is called SLAYER.  Grar!

At a mere $18,000 The Slayer is not the machine for everyone.  In fact, less than 20 of these hand built machines are in use in coffee shops today.  What would lead a coffee shop to pay nine or ten times as much for an espresso machine, compared to typical commercial espresso machines?  Aside from being absolutely beautiful, The Slayer allows for a degree of customization unheard of in today's espresso marketplace.

The Slayer has a series of wooden paddles which can be adjusted to change the pressure flow from the boiler, which allows the barista to customize their draw to a truly unique extent.  As Gizmodo says, this allows you to perform Clever Espresso Tricks like "start with a low pressure extraction, ramp up to full pressure, then back it down to get different textures or flavors."  No I don't know why you would want to do that, but I am not a professional barista.

On the down side (or maybe it is an up side to the fanatics) Gizmodo also describes the machine as "finicky," pointing out that it took the latest coffee shop two months to finally master the machine.  Now that they have, Gizmodo reporter Matt Buchanan swears that they are producing "some of the best espresso shots in New York."   

Still though, that two month learning curve would be enough to give any business owner pause!  Espresso has gone from an elite skill to something more akin to "fast food technician."  And I say that as someone who worked for several years as a bar back at a small locally owned espresso café in Seattle.  More customization means more chances to screw up the coffee, and since there isn't a certification program for baristas, if you're a business owner you want your espresso machine to be as simple (i.e. foolproof) as possible.

This after all is why Starbucks and many other small coffee shops have gone to push-button machines that literally anyone can operate.  (Not that they can't still screw it up.  If you live outside a major metropolitan area as I do, you have two choices for on-the-go espresso: Starbucks, and those little parking lot coffee huts that specialize in weird flavors like "Snickers mocha" and "white chocolate raspberry latte."  I have gone to many of these, wanting to spend my money with small businesses, and not once have I received a drink without an error.  And it's not like my orders are so complicated!  Last time I tried a local coffee stand I ordered a tall no-whip mocha.  It came with whip.)

Err… what was I saying?  Oh right, the Slayer.  This is obviously beyond "the Cadillac of espresso machines."  It puts me in mind of the Russian diamond-encrusted SUV that you can have customized with whale penis leather interior.  Like, I'd really love it if YOU bought one, but I never will!

Creative Commons-licensed photo courtesy of Flickr user YaelBeeri