I had my first McDonalds Frappe this weekend and I have to say, I was not impressed.  I want to say "Starbucks has nothing to fear," but on the other hand, McDonalds has made a bazillion dollar a year industry out of delivering bland over-processed flavorless fat bombs to the undiscerning American public.  So maybe Starbucks SHOULD be worried.

I was curious about how this thing would be made, but most of the process took place behind a big black and silver machine that was clearly meant to look like a proper espresso bar's espresso maker. 

This seemed a bit disingenuous to me; talk about mutton dressed as lamb.  If you buy your espresso drinks from McDonalds I don't think you're going there for the ambience.  

For all I know, this thing was dispensed into my cup from a pull faucet, just like a milkshake.  It came with a ton of whipped cream, and a big delicious blob of chocolate sauce atop that.  More than just a dash of sauce for color - this was a formidable amount of sauce.  

I identified the flavor - of both the sauce and the drink - immediately.  It is the exact same flavoring which McDonalds uses in their chocolate shakes.  I like their chocolate shakes a lot, don't get me wrong.  But it was a little disconcerting to be basically handed a chocolate shake and told it's a Frappuccino.

Speaking of chocolate milkshakes, the medium Mocha Frappe I bought contained 560 calories, 24 grams of fat, and 78 grams of carbs.  No one drinks a Frappe or Frappuccino thinking it's a health drink, and much has been made of the piggy stats on Starbucks' Frappuccino as well.  

Nevertheless, I feel obliged to point out that the Mocha Frappe has nearly the same nutritional profile as a chocolate shake of the same size.  A medium chocolate shake has 580 calories, 14 grams of fat, and 102 grams of carbohydrates.

The word which came to mind, as I slurped at my Frappe, was "insipid."  Insipidly sweet, insipidly homogenous, insipidly flavored.  It has no bite, which made me wonder if it even had any caffeine in it.  Of course, I'm accustomed to ordering a Frappuccino with an extra shot of espresso added, which definitely adds some body to the drink.  

The McDonalds Mocha Frappe resembles most closely the Starbucks bottled Mocha Frappuccino drink. Both are dumbed-down versions of the original, without any of that scary "flavor" or "texture" that apparently frightens the mocha-drinking masses.  Why do people so desire coffee drinks that do not taste like coffee?  It is a mystery to me, but there you have it.  

A lot of people seem to prefer McCafe drinks over Starbucks drinks because McDonalds lacks the pretention which so infuses Starbucks, and "the Starbucks experience."  Which, you know, fair enough.  I think it's a bit silly to fight your battles based on fast food outlets, but such is the nature of life in America in the year 2010.