September 2010

Coffee Pot Maggots

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I have seen two mentions of coffee pot maggots in the last week.  Call it "red car syndrome" but suddenly it's as if everywhere I turn, I see another story about maggots in coffee pots.

I never even knew this was possible until I watched a recent episode of "Hoarding: Buried Alive."  The woman featured on the show had three coffee pots because, to quote her son, "you get maggots in the coffee pots, and it's easier to just buy a new one than to clean the old one."

McDonalds Coffee Guy Is A Confusing Idiot

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Dear Undercaffeinated Guy In The McDonalds Commercial: do you realize what a colossal jerk you are?  No one can stand you until you've had your coffee.  Even your poor roommate cowers before your bitchiness.

Don't get me wrong - I sympathize completely.  Anyone who tries to talk to me before I've had my coffee will get only a surly grunt in reply.  

You know what I did about that problem?  I BOUGHT A FREAKIN' COFFEE MAKER.

"Don't talk to me, I haven't had my coffee yet," you keep snapping.  I'm not sure if your self-awareness of this problem is a blessing or a curse.  Potentially both.  On the up side, at least you are aware that you are making other people's lives a misery, and you warn them accordingly.  

Starbucks Toffee Mocha

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Every so often, Starbucks likes to launch a new coffee drink flavor, just to keep us on our toes.  

Some of these flavors wither on the vine, so to speak, getting the thumbs-down from internal taste testers before they even hit the market.  Such is the case with the banana mocha, which a super-secret source assures me was every bit as awful as it sounds.

Other flavors just don't seem to go anywhere.  The only place I have seen the dark cherry mocha offered is at the Starbucks near the Winco foods in Marysville, WA.  Do all Starbuckses carry the dark cherry mocha, and only that one mentions it?  Was it a super limited market test?  Or something they dreamed up at that particular store?  I don't know.  I could just ask, I suppose, but that kills the mystery.

Folgers: Never Again

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With the price of coffee constantly on the rise, I'm always on the look-out for a good bargain.  Which is the only explanation I can offer for why I bought a two pound tub of Folgers coffee last week.  It was a weak moment; forgive me.

Priced at a ridiculously low $6 for two pounds and shipped in its own molded plastic tub with a lid, this Folgers coffee was stacked at the grocery store end cap.  The lid boasts of "Aromaseal," which I imagine is supposed to invoke some kind of cryptic and highly advanced technology.  I'm pretty sure it just means "this closes."  Nice work with the typography, though; the tails of the R and the S swirl together to form a shape reminiscent of the top of a cup of coffee.